No one prepares me to become a mother. No one ever tells me how hard it is to take on this journey called motherhood. Some days are hard, some days are even harder. But it’s as if we’re put in a cage with no way out, the only thing to do is to embrace it.
How tho’? One must ask. I don’t know, honestly. This past year has been full of trials and errors. But I cope, I survive. Yet, imagining the future sometimes brings me back down: I’m afraid of the unknowns — of what the future might bring: wars currently raging, climate crisis happening all over the world, political and economy problem, my family’s financial status, and anything in between where I hate to play guessing on what might be coming. I just want to live in the moment where my baby is on my sight 24/7 and everything seems in order.
This, after all, might be the answer all along: to live in the moment and enjoy and treasure what I have. The future I’m afraid of are solely in my imagination. And maybe the future isn’t as frightening as what I imagine. Maybe I only have to live the moment and be present to find joy in this journey: to see my daughter’s gleaming eyes when she calls me, to be able to hug my husband whenever I want to, to enjoy our weekends together even if it’s just staying at home and playing pretend with one another.
So, here I am writing this, creating this journal on motherhood — previously having so frustrated on what to write. So here I am writing this: things I know and experience, things I’m afraid of and things I treasure. In writing this I hope to find solace, to find company along this journey, to share what might be helpful, to spare what I’ve already known and acquire what I lack.
Cheers to this journey! Come, come, come along with me.
